Cách ứng xử của trẻ vị thành niên đối với cha mẹ trong quá trình giao tiếp: phân tích từ một khảo sát thực địa

NghiSn ciiu<br /> Gia dtinh vii Gidi<br /> S6 5 -2012<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Cdch lifng xur cua tre vj ihdnh nien do) v6l cha m@ trong<br /> qud trinh giao tiep: phdn tich tir mot khao sat thirc dja<br /> <br /> Trirong Thj Thu Thuy, Trln Thj Thanh Loan<br /> Vien Gia dmh vd Gidi<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Tom t^t: Bai vie't phSn tfch thUc trang cdch iJtng xii cua tre vi<br /> thdnh nien doi vdi cha me minh qua cu6c khao sat nho tai Bflc<br /> Ninh. K§'t qua phan tich cho thfi'y h^u h§'t tre vi thanh nien dUdc<br /> phong van co mot mo hinh iing xii chung la vang Idi bo me,<br /> phuong thiJc giao tiep mot chieu til bo' me den con cai vin la pho<br /> bien Tuy nhifin, trong boi canh xa hoi hien dai, khong chi ban<br /> than tre vi thanh nien, ma chinh gia dinh co tre vi thanh nien<br /> cung dang phai trai qua giai doan thach thiic: thieu hut trong<br /> ki^n thiic, nhan thiic cua cac bSic cha me ve tam sinh Iy liia tuoi<br /> vi thanh nien, khoang each th^ hfi, quj thdi gian it oi danh cho<br /> con cai, nhu c^u boi dSp kie'n thiic vd kJ nSng song cua tre vi<br /> thanh nien, nhu cau thfi' hien tu duy doc lap cua tre vi thanh<br /> nifin,... Hi^u nhflng suy nghi, mong muo'n cua tre co thfi' giiip Ikm<br /> giam mau thuin va xung dot vfi' loi sShg, suy nghi, hanh vi, gia<br /> tri vk ve ca niem tin giiia tre vi th&nh nifin vk cac bSc cha me,<br /> <br /> Tii khoa: Vi thanh nien; TJTng xii cua tre vi thanh nien; Quan he<br /> cha me con cai; Gia dinh<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 1. Gidi thieu<br /> Phan u'ch v^ "cai tOi" ciia tre Vifit Nam, D6 Long cho rang mOt diJa Ire<br /> Viet Nam vira m6i ra ddi la da b ngay trong pham vi giao tiep khep kin vd'n<br /> 76 NghlAn cijru Gia dlnh vk Oidt. Quyin 22, s«>6, tr. 77-87<br /> <br /> <br /> mang nflng quan h0 huytft thrfng, n6 dm;c gi^o due tCr khi tftp nbi d^ tir<br /> ximg minh v& gpi nguM khdc bfing vj irl vk vai m^ n6 c6 trong quan he<br /> tirong dtig. DSng sau nh&ng vj trf vk vai xung hd ciia diia tre 1^ nhihig quy<br /> t k , quy phym cDa h^nh vi ihig xix vfln hrta tucjng iJng. nghia \k. trong giao<br /> titfp vdi nhOng thSnh vifin trong gia dlnh cung nhir ngoii hg h&ng, diia ir6<br /> d6 phAi ling xii diing v6i vj ih^ da du^c quy djnh trong quan hfi vdi cdc dtfi<br /> tirpng "ngoiii n6". Ki ck trong cdc m5i quan he giao tififp xa hOi ihl ngirdi<br /> Vi$l vfin thudng Iflfy danh i£r chl quan h$ hp hing nhu c6, chii, bdc,.. d^<br /> thay cho d^i lir nhfln xung - mO thiic iing x^ trong gia dinh dupc md rdng<br /> dtfn pham vi to&n xS hpi nky da dupc trao truyfin lu nhifin cho diia trd. Nhu<br /> vfiy, "cdi tdi" cOa diia trd bj tan bitfn vko cdc quan hfi huytft thdng, quan hfi<br /> xd hpi, nfin bi che khutft vk lu md di, ft khi chiing bpc Id t^t cd ban sfic cua<br /> chfnh minh. Ngiy nay. diia tr^ Vifit Nam da cd xu hudng tu chu. lu lap, tu<br /> tin, ddm tu th^ hi^n minh, tu khdng dinh minh trong tu duy va trong hdnh<br /> ddng, dd Id nhihig dflu hifiu cOa mdt chu th^ cd ^ thiic cao hon v^ "cdi tdi"<br /> ban than minh so vdi truy6n Ihdng (Dd Long. 2001).<br /> <br /> Vi thdnh nifin Id mdt giai doan khdc bifit v^ tflm sinh 1^ trong qud u-inh<br /> phdt tri^n cua mdt diia tre d^ trd thdnh mdt ngudn Idn trudng thdnh. Wi mat<br /> tflm ly, chdng cd nhung thay ddi thdt thu£mg, dfi vui, di budn, dfi n6i loan.<br /> di roi vdo trang thdi cd dem. sdu mudn vd cd, dfi bi tdc ddng bcri cdc nhdn<br /> td bfin ngodi, ndi chung Id di rdi loan cam xilc khi gap phai nhQng vudng<br /> mflc trong qud trinh giao tifi'p vdi ngubi khdc. Vfly didu g] dang xay ra<br /> trong tucmg tdc giiia cha me vd U^ vi thdnh nifin hifin nay? Bdi vift dudi<br /> ddy phan tfch thuc U^ng cdch iing xit ciia irc vi thdnh nifin dd'i vdi cha me<br /> minh qua cudc khao sdt thuc dja trong pham vi d^ tdi cdp Bd nam 2011-<br /> 2012 cua phdng Nghifin cihi vi Tre em. Vifin Gia dmh vd Gidi. Tu lifiu<br /> phan tfch Id ndi dung 12 cudc phdng vdn sdu vd 8 thao ludn nhdm tre vi<br /> thdnh nifin b mdt phudng vd mdt xa cua tinh Bflc Ninh.<br /> <br /> 2. Lfng xuT cua tri vj thanh nien trong giao tiep vdi cha me<br /> <br /> Thuc trang<br /> Giao tifip mdt chidu cha me - con cdi Id xu hudng ndi bdt trong khao<br /> sdt thuc te' ndy. Vflng Idi cha me da trd thdnh chudn muc ihig \ii cua mdt<br /> ngudi con ngoan trong lu duy cua tih vi thdnh nifin. Vdi c h u ^ muc da<br /> dupc xa hdi hda mdt cdch tu nhifin vdo suy nghT vd nhfln thiic ciia tre tCr<br /> ta'm bfi, da phdn cdc tre vi thdnh nifin diu rat sp mang cdi tifi'ng "con hu",<br /> mac dCi trong nhi^u trudng hpp, ban thdn tre khdng ddng y, khdng tan<br /> thdnh. khdng thfch thii, tham chi ca khi thd'y cha me ndi khdng diing thi<br /> tre vdn nghe Idi cha me.<br />  TrUdng Thj Thu Thuy & Trfin Thj Tiianh Loan 79<br /> <br /> H: C^c em dfnh f}ghJa \h§ ndo /d m^t ngt/di con ngoan?<br /> <br /> TL: Con ngoan Id tCr lOc minh bifit suy nghT khflng 6i bfi m? bufln vi minh, B6 m?<br /> bdo gi thl nghe.<br /> <br /> TL: Ngudi con ngoan Id ngirdri tflt, bidt quan tdm mpi ngirffi, chdm chf. Id ngudi tfit<br /> trong xd hfli.<br /> <br /> TL: Phdi bIdt yfiu thuang btf me, khi b(S me bufln ndn chia sd cCing, vd khi bfi m?<br /> mdng minh thi khflng ndn gidn dfii, vl bfi m? chf mufin tfit cho minh thfli, cfi gdng<br /> hpc tdp d^ theo nguy§n vpng cOa bfi me.<br /> <br /> (TLN nam vi thdnh nl6n, phudng Kinh Bdc, thdnh phfl Bdc Ninh)<br /> <br /> H: Nhimg lOc b6m^ khdng dOng thi ldm thSndo?<br /> <br /> TL Thi chju thfli vi bfi me Idn tudi hon minh, bfi me cfl kinh nghidm ndn lufln nghT<br /> Id minh dung.<br /> <br /> (TLN nff vj thdnh nidn, xS Kim Chdn, Bac Ninh)<br /> Quan nifim phdn Idm con phai nghe Idi cha me, cha me lam gi cung chi<br /> vl mud'n td't dep cho con cdi, tr^ con chua bifit di^u gl tdt/xdu cho minh,..<br /> hiu nhu da ddp tat nhiing phdn iing y^u dl cua iri vi thanh nien trudc<br /> nhihig mdu thudn trong giao tie'p vdi cha me.<br /> H: Khi minh co m$u thuSn v(W b6 me, phan iing cOa minh thS nao?<br /> <br /> TL: Vdn cai lai nhung chd Idm gi fiupc. Cai khflng dupc Jal Idn glucmg ngoi.<br /> <br /> TL: Tiic mudn khoe, v§n phdi nghe Icfi bfi me. Nghi bfi me khflng hl^u minh.<br /> <br /> H: Sau do c6 trao dSi lai vdi b6 me khdng?<br /> <br /> TL: Minh phai chju thfll, minh Id con chd Idm gi duoc, bfi me nghT bfi me Idn nhldu<br /> kinh nghifim thl nfll minh phdi nghe. Mufin bfi me hi^u minh bfi me cung khflng<br /> nghe, minh khflng bifit Idm thfi ndo.<br /> <br /> (TLN nif vj thdnh nifin, xa Kim Chan, Bac Ninh)<br /> Tre vi thanh nifin cd nhu cdu chia se tam tu rdt Idn, nhu cdu nay xudt<br /> hifin b hdu het cac chii dfi hpc tap. vui choi, sd Ihich, each dn mac. sinh ly<br /> Ilia tudi, sinh hoat gia dinh. v.v.. Tuy nhifin, d mdi chu d^. each iing xii cua<br /> tre vi thanh nifin vdi ndi dung trao d6i, chla se hay phuong phdp giao tifi'p<br /> cua cha me lai khdc nhau.<br /> Thai dp chflp nhdn, lin tudng va ldm theo y kifin cua cha me cua tre vi<br /> thanh nien th^ hien kha ro rfit xung quanh cdc vdn d^ trong hpc tap. Cung<br /> CO mflu thudn xay ra trong qua trinh giao tie'p giu'a cha me va tre d chu d^<br /> ndy, song vl hdu hfi't cac em y thiic dupc mong mud'n cua cha me mud'n<br /> 80 Nghltn cUu Qia dtnh v i Oldl. Quytfn 22. sA' 5, tr. 77-87<br /> <br /> <br /> con cdi hpc gidi di thi dd dai hpc. cd cdng vi$c dn dinh. "hpc d^ dm vdo<br /> thfln", nhifiu cm vdng Idi vd hfi lire hpc t^p d^ ddp iing ky vpng ciia cha<br /> mc, vl sp cha m? budn Idng; chfnh vl ihtf, nhttng mflu thudn ntfu cd xay ra<br /> thudng dupc hda gidi nhanh chdng vd ft d^ lai su dm tic trong Idng tre vj<br /> thdnh nifin.<br /> <br /> H.VShQc h6nh chOng ta nghe Idl khuySn td ai?<br /> <br /> Tdt cd: Bfi m?.<br /> <br /> TL: VI bfi m? sinh ra minh mongfildutfit cho minh. Ban bd c6 ban tfit o6 b^n khflng tfiL<br /> <br /> TL: Hpc tfit 6i Idn Idn cfl cflng dn vide Idm.<br /> <br /> TL: Hpc i i dm vdo thdn.<br /> <br /> (TLN na vi thdnh mdn. xd Kim Chdn, Bdc Ninh)<br /> <br /> Su phdn khdng 6 tr^ xud't hifin nhi^u hon trong qud trinh ih^ hifin nhu<br /> cdu vui choi gidi tri. tinh cdm cd nhdn. cdch fln mflc/hlnh ihiic b^ ngodi<br /> (nhu nhudm tdc. cat tdc theo mdt. trang jAuc, trang di^m...). Dac biet. khi<br /> nay sinh tinh cam vdi ngudi khdc gidi hoflc khi cd su tdn thuong tinh cam<br /> cd nhdn thl phdn Idn ca nam vd nfl vi thdnh nien d^u lua chpn cdch khdng<br /> trao ddi vdi cha me.<br /> <br /> H: C6 vSn dS gl trong cu^ s6ng chdu cim thSy khd nfl/ chuyen v(sib6m^ khdng?<br /> <br /> TL: Khfl nfli chuydn vdi bfi mp Id vdn dd vui choi \n nfli vdn dd vui choi bfi me chdu<br /> bdo khflng dupc di choi nhldu, phdi chu tdm vdo hpc.<br /> <br /> (PVS nam vj thdnh nidn. 14 tufii. xfl Kim Chdn, Bdc Ninh)<br /> <br /> TL: Khi em thich m^t ngudi thi chuy^ d6 em nghT khflng tflt ndn khflng ndi. Sp<br /> mp mdng. Thudng bfi me em hay Idng di khi ndi chuyen vd tmh cam Nfli chuydn<br /> hpc tdp cua em thl bfi mp rdt Idng nghe, cfln nhihig chuydn em hoi vdn dd gi W<br /> bfi mp khflng quan tdm.<br /> <br /> (PVS nQ vi thdnh mdn, 16 tufii. xa Kim Chdn. Bdc Ninh)<br /> <br /> H: Cd b^n nio qui b^n nam kh6c khdng? Khi dd ch6u cd k4 vdi ai kt)dng?<br /> <br /> TL: Khflng k^ cho ai<br /> <br /> TL: Nfli vdi me,<br /> <br /> TL: Thfi 16 vfli ban than nhdt<br /> <br /> TL: Nfli vdi ban thi ban gflpy cho, khflng thi me nfli ranh con niit mui yfiu duong<br /> gl, Bdo vdi ban thfln tfit hon,<br /> <br /> (TLN nff vi thdnh nidn, xa Kim Chdn, Bac Ninh)<br />  Trittftig Thi Thu Thuy & Trdn Thi Thanh Loan 11<br /> <br /> Khi c(5 nhu cSu tim hidu Icie'n ihiic, nang cao nhan thiJc vi giai tfnh va<br /> sinh 1^ Ilia tufii, dfii tuong Ai tl^ chia s6 vii th6a man nhttng thac mac tuy<br /> c6 huAig vi cha me, song ban b* vh internet v4n chiSm mi the'hon!<br /> H: Cd lin nio minh hdi vSn dili nhi ti6mf khdng trim klidng? NSuli/llm hiiu<br /> thi chiu tim hi4u d ^§u?<br /> <br /> TL: ChSu cht h6i mst siS vi viSc hpc hanh, vi^c gia dinh cUn vif c li nhj chSu l\f<br /> lim tOi iSy, khing dSm hdi han bS me vi thii nhSt chSu ngai, Ihii hai tam sinh iy cSa<br /> minh Ichfing tigt \6 di/pc,<br /> <br /> TL: ChSu tim hi^u d sach b4o hay hS thSng inlenel 6 nha anh chau, nha chSu kinh<br /> t^ kam nan chua mua duoc, chl dll nufti anh em chau hgc thoi.<br /> <br /> TL: Chau thudng trao ddi vi» nguOi ban than nhSt Chau khSng dam tam su vai b5<br /> me vi ap luc trong cing viSc cua bO me chau da nhilu, nSu nOi v l Sp luc cOa minh<br /> S ngoai nita bi me chau se thSy ap luc nang hon nan chau khOng k l<br /> <br /> (PVS nam vj thanh nian, 17 ludi, xa Kim Chan, Bac Ninh)<br /> <br /> TL Chac la internet va ban ba cO anh hucfng nhigu hon so vOi bd me. Vi thOng tin<br /> Iran intemet c6 nhidu didu hap d§n va thu hot trd con hon bd me. Bd me thudng chl<br /> ndi nhOng didu gian dj, cOn ban be thi an mac, choi bdi thu hut hon, hap din hon,<br /> <br /> (PVS nif vj thanh nian, 16 ludi, xa Kim Chan, Bac Ninh)<br /> Thuc trang trfin da dugc nhidu nghiSn ciiu Ichac tdng Icet. Vi du nhu<br /> u-ong Didu tra Qufic gia ve Vi thanh nien va Thanh niSn Viet Nam Idn thii<br /> 2 nam 2009 (SAVY 2), cac dii lieu phan tfch cho thiy 6 cac chi dd: tufii<br /> day thi, Icinh nguyet. mfing linh, mang thai hay KHHGD va cac bien phap<br /> tranh thai, tinh due, tinh yeu va hfin nhan thl vi thanh nien va thanh nien<br /> nghe nhidu nha't tCt tivi, tie'p dd la 20% nghe ttr radio, 10% til sach/bao hay<br /> intemet. Chii y la ty Ie thanh thidu nien bidt thfing tin vd tinh due tir inter-<br /> net cao hon han ty Ie bidt vd 4 chi dd cdn lai qua intemet (Tfing cue Dan<br /> sd-KHHGD va cac co quan khac, 2010: 119). Viec tre vi thanh nien tfch<br /> cue thu thap cac thfing lin vd siic ichoe sinh san, cdc kie'n thiic ve tinh due<br /> tren cac phuong tien thfing tin dai chiing cfin thd hien mfii lien he ydu giOa<br /> cha me va con cai, cung nhu vai trd mfi nhat cia gia dlnh trong viec giao<br /> due vi thanh nien nhQng ky nang c^n thidt trong Ilnh vuc nay.<br /> Hoac nhu kdt qua phan tich sfi Ueu didu u-a Gia dinh Viet Nam 2006<br /> cho thdy, dfii vfii nhom tre tir 15 ddn 17 tufii, ban be van la dfii tuong chfnh<br /> de chiing tim ddn tam sir vd chuyen yeu duong, con cac bac cha me noi<br /> chung gitt vj trf kha khiem tfi'n trong su tin cay cua con: ''nhin chung, con<br /> cai thucmg chon ban be la ngufii tam sir, chidm 63,4% ngufii tra Icri, tidp<br /> 8C NghlAn cdru QIa dlnh vd 0161. Quyin 22, ttf 5, tr. 77-87<br /> <br /> <br /> theo td nguiri ihdn trong gia dlnh 8,4%. rdi dtfn me 7.7% vd cutfi cCing Id<br /> cha vdi i;^ 1$ rdt thdp 1.3%... NguM m? b nhOng gia dlnh thdnh thi, c6 mac<br /> stfng cao hon thudng Id ngu&i dU(;ft: con chpn d^ ldm su. Ngui^c lai, ngu&i<br /> cha 6 n&ng ihdn vd b nhChig gia dlnh c6 miJc stfng thdp hon lai duoc con<br /> cdi tin tu6ng hon. mdc d£i v6\ t^ 1? rtfl ihtfp" (Trdn Thj Vdn Anh vd c^ng<br /> si;. 2011:23-24).<br /> Nguydn nhdn<br /> Nhffng nguyfin nhdn ddn dtfn thuc irang trfin d9 du^c cdc nhd nghifin<br /> cihi d^ cap dtfn. vf du nhu su cdch bi^l thtf hfi, mdu thudn gitta khd ning<br /> ciia lr6 vj thdnh nifin vdi k^ vpng cua cha me, cha mc vd ilnh hay ctf ^ ha<br /> thdp 16ng lu irpng ciia tr6 bAng l&i n6i. hdnh ddng... (Phan Thi Mai Huong<br /> chu bifin, 2(X)7). Hodc vdi mdi chO dfi cu th^ Id siic khde sinh san vd tinh<br /> due tutfi vj thdnh nifin thl nhu trong mdi nghifin cihi vfi phu nfl vd gia dinh<br /> dd cho rdng: da .s6 cdc bdc phu huynh hifin nay su hi^u bi^l vi gidi Unh vd<br /> tinh due cQng h^t sflc ngh^o ndn... vd vdi con chdu, cdc bdc cha me lai<br /> cdng khdng bao gid dd ddng dfi'n chuyfin ilnh due vl nhu thtf Id "vg dudng<br /> cho huou chay", "vdn di cdm ky trong gido due gia dlnh" (Nguyfin Linh<br /> Khitfu. 2003).<br /> <br /> DDc kfi't tfl tu lifiu phdng vdn ci^a khao sdt ndy thdy bdt Ifin mdt thuc tfi<br /> rdng: da stf ede bdc cha me dang bfif ldc vfi phuong phdp gido due dtfi vdi<br /> nhflng dfla con trong dd tutfi "lii con khdng ra U^ eon, ngu£n Idn chua<br /> thdnh nguCrt Idn" nay. Hon nfla, irong mdt stf chu di giao tifi'p. cdc bdc cha<br /> me it tao dupc su tin tudng noi ire khi gidi thich/giai quytft vdn dfi cflng tre.<br /> khifi^n tr6 khdng "ldm phuc khdu phuc" vd d&n dfi'n thdi dd phan khdng dtfi<br /> vdi Idi ndi. hdnh vi, thdi dd cua cha me. hodc tre se di tim ddl tupng khdc d^<br /> tdm su vi vdn dfi cua ban thdn. Nhflng cdch flng xfl trfin cua ire cd nguyfin<br /> nhdn do nhifiu bdc cha me vdn hi^u khd chung chung vi tdm 1^ Ifla tutfi vj<br /> Ihdnh nifin; cdch thflc ndi chuyfin cua cha me thudng difin ra theo ki^u dp<br /> dat, mfinh Ifinh. giai thfch khdng Ihd'u ddo, can ke; cd thdi dd "phu ddu" khi<br /> con cdi di cdp dfi'n chuyfin yfiu duong; su lang Irdnh cua cdc bdc cha me v^<br /> cdc vflji dfi dupc coi Id tfi' nhi. hode khdng cd sir chu ddng "ddn ddu" md<br /> thudng td khi ire hoi thl cha me mu QIa dlnh v l GIdl, Quyjn 22, .6' 5, Ir. 77-B7<br /> <br /> <br /> m?); cfi trd nhfin Ihi^c ducjfc r&ng "mufin bfimc hidu minh thl minh nen hidu<br /> btf m? nhidu hon, ndu minh Ithfing hidu bfi me thl bfi m? cung khfing thd<br /> hidu dupc minh, minh ndn quan tfim ddn bfi m? nhidu hon" (PVS nS vi<br /> thfinh nien. 16 tufii, xi Kim Chdn, B^c Ninh): Ihfim chf cfi t r i suy nghi rSl<br /> chQng chac: "Bfi me ndn bidt suy xdt, con cdi ndn thfing cam vfii btf me,<br /> mtfi ngufii nhufing nhin nhau mfit fl. Con cfii cfi Ifim v i ^ sai btf me nen<br /> suy xdt xem nguydn nhfin tai sao ntf lai Ifim nhu IhC. Vf du con cfii ddnh<br /> nhau l(hfing thd ti; nhien nd ddnh nhau din;ic. phfii cfi nhidu nguyen nhfin.<br /> Ndu dtJa ddy ddnh con minh tiatfic mfi nfi mufin nfii vfii bfi me, nfi ngai<br /> dfinh tir xCr thfii. Bfi m? hay bdo mfiy nghjch ngcm, nghe chung nfi xili, lilc<br /> dfi con cdi biic xdc, nfi cfii, mfi cfii bfi me lai dang buc minh ndn chac chfin<br /> sc iihfing bao gifi nghe nfi. N«n dd sau mfit Ihfii gian sd giai quydt" {PVS<br /> ntt vj thfinh nidn, 14 tufii, phufing Kinh Bdc. thfinh phfi Bac Ninh).<br /> Thfing didp mfi hfiu hdt trd vj thfinh ni4n irong cufie khao sfit nfiy mufin<br /> giri gdm qua cfic cfich ling phfi trdn Ifi cfic bfic cha me hay Ifin iipng vfi ldng<br /> nghe J kidn/lfim sir ciia trd, cfi kidn ihiic dd hidu tfim \f Ire hon, dfinh thfii<br /> gian dd chia se vfi phfin Ifch IhSu dfio cfic vin dd trd mutfn llm hidu, nhu<br /> vfiy, cha me cfi Ihd trd thfinh "ngufii ban Ifin" dfing lin cfiy dtfi vfii tre.<br /> TL: Ndu cha me Ifi nhOng ngutf ban cOa em thi em se Ifim sir duoc nhidu hon, ndi<br /> that I6ng hon. Em sd thdy Ihofii mfii hon vfi cudc sdng y nghia hon.<br /> (PVS no vj thfinh nifin, 16 tudi, xd Kim Chfin, Bdc Ninh)<br /> TL: Bd me nfin ldng nghe.<br /> TL; Bd me nfin dfit vfio hofin cdnh cOa minh dd suy nghi.<br /> TL: Bd me nfin tim hidu thfing tn vd dfic didm vd ludi nfiy.<br /> TL: ThuOng xuyfin chia sd viji minh.<br /> TL: Mudn bd m? em hidu dOng hon, aung tido vfi minh nhu minh bd lam, IXS me cdn<br /> nghT minh lOn rdi, dd cho minh tu do theo y cua minh, khOng nfin cdm dofin qufi.<br /> TL: Em mong mudn bd me em quan tfim ddn em hon. Bd me chttolam vific. Dfinh<br /> cho em nhidu thOi gian hon.<br /> TL:Khiconc4ivabdmecdy kidn khfic nhau, bd me nfin phfin tich cho chung em<br /> hidu chij khfing nfin dp dfit.<br /> <br /> (TLN nil vi thfinh nifin, xa Kim Chfin, Bac Ninh)<br /> Ngay ca trong vfin dd nhay cam Ifi giao due gidi tinh, khi cac sfi lieu<br /> thfing kS cho tha'y u-e thuong llm ddn cdc dfii tuong khac nhu ban be, tivi,<br /> intemet (Tfing ciic Dfin sfi'-KHHGD va cac co quan khac, 2010), ngliia Ifi<br />  Tri^rfng Thj Thu Thuy & Trfin Thj Thanh Loan 85<br /> <br /> ttfn tai mdt spi day giao tifi'p md nhai giiia cha m? vd con cdi. Vfi v&n di<br /> ndy thl tii vi thdnh nifin vdn cd mong mutfn cha me trd thdnh didm tim<br /> hi^u ddu tifin, mutfn cha me cdi md han, idm 1^ hem di chdng cd thtf htft e<br /> ngai vd lo sp khi gidi bdy nhQng ban khoan khd ndi ciia minh.<br /> H: Kjgfi (hiJt cua b6 m? cung cSp c/io minh vS gidn tinh so via m^ng th! d ddu t6t han?<br /> <br /> Tdt cd: lit btf me vdn ttft hon.<br /> <br /> TL: Vi btf me sd t§n tinh chi bdo minh hon c6n Irdn mang chl n6i so so thdi.<br /> <br /> H: Cd khi ndo minh cim th&y kiSn thdc b^n bd treo d6i bi sai khdng?<br /> <br /> TL: Chdc Id c6. Nhimg md sai hay khflng thl khflng bidt.<br /> <br /> (TLN nd vi thdnh nifin. xd Kim Chdn, Bdc Ninh)<br /> Dang tifi'c Id vific gido due tinh due. siJc khoe sinh san trong gia dlnh<br /> hifin nay gap khd khdn do nhifiu nguyfin nhdn: "Mdi mat. md'i giao tifi^p ndy<br /> bj han chtf bdi cam gidc xdu htf hay sudfi dat uong giao titfp eiia ca hai phia<br /> trong vific ndi chuyfin vfi tinh due. Mat khdc. dudng nhu nd cd xu hudng<br /> ngay cang phdt tritfn vd ecri md hon bcri su bOng ntf thdng tin lifin quan dtfn<br /> tinh due. hodc nhiing hinh anh thue itf vfi cac hdu qua c6a hoat ddng tinh<br /> due trfin cac phuong lifin thdng tin dai chiing. hay trong cdng dtfng... Hon<br /> nfla, cho du nhu cdu gido due tinh due, siic khoe sinh san ed tang Ifin d mdt<br /> bfl phan btf me, nhung su tang Ifin nay bi han chtf Wri ytfu ttf kitfn thiic eua<br /> ho, cae bac bo me cho rdng ndi chuyfin v^ tinh due se khuytfn khich cac em<br /> sdm cd quan hfi tinh due, va su ihitfu kifi^n thiic ciaa btf me vi vdn de nay la<br /> nhiing rao can lam han chfi'miic dd va chi^u sau trong giao tifi'p" (Trinh Van<br /> Tliang, 2004. Ddn lai lu Dang Bi'eh Thuy, 2011).<br /> <br /> 3. Ket luan<br /> <br /> Cupc khao sdt lai Bdc Ninh cho thdy phai chang ed biic tudng vd hinh<br /> da nay sinh tir ehi'nh su khdng ddp iing dupc mong mutfn. ky vpng v^ nhan<br /> thiic, thai dd, hanh vi giiia cha me vdi ire vj thanh nifin trong xa hdi hifin dai<br /> nay? Cha me dat nhitfu hy vpng, mong udc vdo con cai, ngupe lai, tre vj<br /> thanh nifin cung udc mutfn nhi^u di^u lit phfa cha me minh; nhung giiia hai<br /> t>Sn lai cd ft difi'm giao nhau, khdng dfi tim dupc sir chia se, thdng cam va<br /> i^dng cam vdi nhau, vi vay, mau thuin va xung ddt la khdng th^ uanh khdi.<br /> Hdu hfi't tre vi thdnh nifin f thiic dupc nhu thfi' nao Id ngudi eon ngoan,<br /> song tre cung mong mud'n dupc khang dinh "cai tdi" ban th^ va dupc cha<br /> me ihfira nhan. Difiu nay gay nfin mdu thuin trong chfnh suy nghi va hanh<br /> •^ong cua tre. Tre dupc day rdng cai lai cha me Id hu, nhung uong vd van<br /> e« NghfAn cUu Ola dlnh v* GIdl. QuyJn 22, stf 5, tr. 77-87<br /> <br /> <br /> cdc Ilnh hud'ng giao titfp thudng ngdy xdy ra, tre vdn cdi d^ khang dinh cdi<br /> " I f cOa minh, vd dudng nhu, phdn Idn nhQng diia tr^ vj thdnh nifin se vdn<br /> phdi chiu Ihua uy quy^n cua cha me bdi quan nifim "cd khdng dn mutfi cd<br /> uon. con cdi cha m? irflm dudng con hu"!<br /> Nhu vdy, vdn dfi d ddy Id Idm sao d^ cha me vd eon cdi lim dupc nhi^u<br /> didm giao ihoa. cOng chia ai dupe nhifiu gid trj vd muc dfch stfng md vdn<br /> tdn trpng "cdi Idi" cOa phfa bfin kia?.<br /> Tinh uang cdc b^c cha m? "coi thudng" khd ndng nhdn ihiie eiJa tie,<br /> eho rdng trS vj thdnh nifin vdn Id lr& eon khdng bifi'l gl u-ong cdc vdn di xa<br /> hdi vd cutfc stfng gia dlnh, ddc bifil Id thdi dtf ldng trdnh hodc giai Ihi'ch<br /> khdng ddng, khdng ihdu ddo nhQng vdn dfi trong gido due gidi tfnh. tinh<br /> due vd siic khde sinh sdn Id mdt sai ldm vdn dang litfp didn. Nhifiu cudn<br /> sdch cd y nghTa gido due eao dupe xudi ban. cdc hdi thao, chuyfin dfi vi<br /> chu di ndy dupc ttf ehiic song da dO ddp ting nhu cdu cua cha me vd ue vj<br /> thdnh nifin chua. hifiu qua eiJa nd nhu thtf ndo. pham vi tdc ddng cua nd<br /> dtfn ddu so vdi nhQng ngutfn thdng lin khdc ludn sdn sdng chd ddn tre lim<br /> hidu 24/24h chi vdi mdt ihao ldc click chudt mdy tfnh? Vdy ihl khi ma cdc<br /> bdc cha me vdn cdn chua xdc dinh dirpc phuong phdp gido due ciia minh<br /> nhu thtf ndo Id vCra du ldc dung "'ve dudng". ldm sao dfi khdng "ve dudng<br /> eho hupu chay sai" thl tre vj thdnh nifin khdng chd dpi dupc. chiing phai<br /> lim cdch dfi' bifi'l, dil tu chiing thdy hoang mang vfi dd lin cdy ciia thdng lin<br /> tim dupe vdn edn hon bj chfi Id "khdng bitfl gl"!<br /> Thuc ttf hifin nay khdng chi Id tifi'ng chudng bdo ddng vfi su btf tdc trong<br /> phuong phdp gido due eCia cha me ddl vdi tre vi ihdnh nifin, md cdn Id vdn<br /> dfi cdc nhu cdu llm hidu kifi'n thiie vd ky ndng sd'ng cua ue da dupc ddp<br /> ling diing vd ddy du tdi dau?B<br /> <br /> <br /> Tdi lifiu Iham khdu .<br /> Tdng cue Dan sd-KHHGD. Tflng cue Thting kc. ADB. 2010. Dieu ira qudc gia<br /> ve Vi ihdnh ni^n vd Thanh nifn \ 'let Nam iJn ihd hai.<br /> Dff lifiu phdng vdn sfiu vd thao lufln nh6m tre vi thdnh nifin. Khao sdt thuc dja ciia<br /> Dfi l^i edp Bfl phdng Nghifin cihi vfi Tre em nam 20U-20I2. thuc hifin tai Bie<br /> Ninh.<br /> Dfl Long. 2011. Su hinh ihknh "cdi tdi" d ire Viet Nam dudi tac dflng ciia van hda.<br /> Trong: Tie em. van hda. gido due. Ky yfi'u Hfli thao Viet - Phap vi iSm IJ<br /> hoc. Odette Lescarret. Le Khanh & H.Ricaud ddng chu bien. 2001. Nxb.Thfi<br /> gidi. Hd Nfli.<br /> Nguyen Linh Khifi'u. 2003. Nghien ciiu phu nd gidi vd gia dtnh. Nxh Khoa hoc<br />  TrUdng THJ Thu Thuy & Trfin Thj Thanh Loan 87<br /> <br /> Xa hfli. Hd Nfli.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> r<br /> Phan Thi Mai Hucfng chii bifin. 2007. Cdch I'fng phd ciia ire v/ thdnh niin vdi<br /> hodn cdnh khd khdn. NxU KHXH. Hd Nfli.<br /> Sn TTii van Anh. Nguyfin HOu Minh vd Hd Thj Minh Khuong. 20U. "Quan h?<br /> cha me vd con cdi chira trudng thdnh". TYong: Bd Vftn hfla. Thd thao vd Du<br /> lich. Vifin Gia dinh vi Gidi. UNICEF Vi^t Nam. 2011. Cdc md'i quan hi<br /> trong gia dinh Viil Nam (M^l sd kit qud phdn tich sdu Dieu tra Gia dinh<br /> Viil Nam 2006.<br /> Trinh Van Thdng. 2004. Giao tifi'p gida bfl' m? vd vj thdnh nien vfi linh due; Nfli<br /> dung, rdo cdn vd nhflng d^ng co giao tifip. Nxb Y hpc. Hil NOi. Trfch lai t£r<br /> Dang Etch Thuy. 2011. Thuyi't minh D4 idi cdp Bd ndm 2011-2012: Md'i<br /> quan hi cha me - con cdi v/ ihdnk niin giai doan 2011-2020: Nhung vd'n d^<br /> cdn quan ldm.<br />