A brief discussion about the Vietnamese and American family

Chia sẻ: Năm Tháng Tĩnh Lặng | Ngày: | Loại File: PDF | Số trang:11

Thêm vào BST

Báo xấu

100
lượt xem 7
download

Download Vui lòng tải xuống để xem tài liệu đầy đủ

This article discusses the history of Vietnamese and American family. Family structure, customs and habits, family member education in Vietnamese and American family are described in comparison with each other.

Chủ đề:

Bình luận(0) Đăng nhập để gửi bình luận!

Lưu

Nội dung Text: A brief discussion about the Vietnamese and American family

Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A BRIEF DISCUSSION ABOUT THE VIETNAMESE AND AMERICAN FAMILY NGUYỄN THỊ TÚ* ABSTRACT It is an undisputed fact that getting to know a culture is difficult but interesting. Vietnamese culture or that of any country all over the world conveys its own features expressing nation and its people’ characters…. Family is a cultural category. Knowing about family structure, customs and habits is to partially acquire the nation culture. This article discusses the history of Vietnamese and American family. Family structure, customs and habits, family member education in Vietnamese and American family are described in comparison with each other. Keywords: family customs and habits, family structures. TÓM TẮT Một vài nét về gia đình Việt và gia đình Mĩ Ít ai phủ nhận việc tìm hiểu một nền văn hóa rất khó nhưng thú vị. Văn hóa Việt Nam hay bất kì một nền văn hóa nào trên thế giới đều mang đậm nét đặc trưng, thể hiện tính cách dân tộc, tính cách con người… Gia đình là một phạm trù trong văn hóa. Hiểu biết cấu trúc gia đình, những tập tục, truyền thống trong gia đình là hiểu biết một phần về nền văn hóa dân tộc. Bài viết đề cập lịch sử gia đình Việt và gia đình Mĩ. Cấu trúc gia đình, phong tục, thói quen, cách giáo dục thành viên trong gia đình Việt và Mĩ được trình bày rõ ràng, có sự đối chiếu, so sánh. Từ khóa: thói quen trong gia đình, cấu trúc gia đình. 1. Introduction customs which are sophisticated but Getting to know a culture is quite exciting. These customs are numerous. difficult but wonderful. Vietnamese Which are listed here are in a descriptive culture is said to be an interesting culture. style with some critical thinking. Since It is a fact that Vietnamese people take this is a kind of cultural prominence, it's pride in living in a country strongly not easy to judge or say whether these imbued with national identity. The customs are good or not. In this brief Vietnamese family is regarded as the discussion I discuss the history of the most important foundation for the Vietnamese family and its history and the country's development as well as people's American family. Finally, the comparison growth. They long for a true and happy between the Vietnamese family and that family. Vietnamese people always bear in of America is dealt with. mind “Home Sweet Home“. The 2. Data Vietnamese family exists with family 2.1. The Vietnamese family and its history * ThS, Trường Đại học Sư phạm TPHCM 116 Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2.1.1. What constitutes a Vietnamese different. In the specific and narrowest family? sense, a Vietnamese family is a kind of Families make a country. Whether a families with a husband, a wife, and one country is prosperous or not depends or more children. However, when a much on the stability of families. Ho Chi Vietnamese think of their family, he Minh, the greatest Vietnamese leader, put often thinks about his traditional family it, with grandfathers, grandmothers [1:323]. “A good society makes good In this article I would like to talk more families. about a traditional Vietnamese family Good families make a good society. and the culture expressed in its customs. The center of a society is families”. 2.1.2. The family changes throughout “The people or members belonging history/ the family history to the same line of descent unite into a In the societies of the old times, Vietnamese family” [1:232]. In the there were kinds of families with the broadest sense, there are nine generations same blood line (marriages happened in a traditional Vietnamese family: among the relatives) or kinds of “the 9 generations of a traditional Palauan” family (men belonging to the Vietnamese family: same descent shared the same wife). Cao - Kị: (Father and Mother of According to Professor Vu Ngoc Khanh father and mother of grandfathers and [3:11], at the beginning of the history of grandmothers) Vietnamese family, Vietnamese people Tằng - Cụ: (Father and Mother of only knew Mother, taking no notion of grandfathers and grandmothers) Father. At that time, Mother of the Sky, Tổ - Ông: (Grandfather and Mother of the Sea, Mother of the Earth Grandmother) came into being and impressed the Khảo (Phụ) – Cha: (Father and Vietnamese much. That, hence, limited Mother) and influenced the roles of Father. These Kỉ - Con: (Son and Daughter) families along with their ethics and Tôn – Cháu: (Grandsons and customs changed with time. Long before Nieces) the 15th century, the roles of Father were Tằng tôn - Cháu much more emphasized. Along with Huyền tôn - Cháu feudalism, the Vietnamese family All the relatives of the father are became a stable family with its thorough called “Father Stock”. Those of the and steady ethics and habits. There were mother are named “Mother stock”. A three kinds: traditional Vietnamese family has more The most popular kind was a members than a western or American medium-sized private property family one. In each family the roles and whose members were workers, farmers responsibilities of each member are quite owing their property to manual labor. 117 Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ They had to suffer depression from the 2.1.3. The family customs and habits royals and their lives were full of toil and The family customs play an moil1. important and outstanding role in The second kind of family was that forming and preserving a true of intellectuals with a good educational Vietnamese family. The most significant background. These intellectuals, most of factors in the Vietnamese family customs whom were Confucian scholars were are family rituals (gia lễ); famiy ways of aware of the country's growth and the behavior (gia phong) and family rules ups-and- downs of history. At this time (gia pháp). These which are taken for the Vietnam's social system was the granted and which people obey without feudal system and Vietnamese people questioning are somehow protected by who had to suffer from Chinese rule were the Vietnamese governmental law. There influenced by Confucianism, Buddhism, is no doubt that these elements are Khong Tu's and Lao Tu's patterns of popular to any Vietnamese family thinking2. member. There will be, however, some The third is the royal family. habits which have to vary at some extent Feudalism is connected with noblemen to make them suitable in a specific and landowners who owed a lot of land situation. and property. These royals, from whom 2.1.3.1. Family rituals (gia lễ) people of the medium-sized private The family rituals can be property family received land to work understood as the family ways of life and gave money named as “tax” in guaranteeing a family stability and return, were quite rich3. happiness. They are “the requirements a After the Revolution in 1945, The Vietnamese family has to meet about Republic of Vietnam was born. There how to behave or act well to maintain the were great changes to the Vietnamese family and the country regulations.” family. The royal families left, the other [3:37]. All the members of the family kinds of families remained. They took don't have to the rights to violate these part in the struggle for independence in rules. The family rituals' meaning lies in Vietnam War. In 1975, when the country the four kinds: reunited, two kind families came into Quan (“a “hat-wearing “party to being: the families of officials celebrate the birth of a baby of a (intellectuals or the white collar) and particular family and the time for the those of farmers and workers (the blue growth of a member in a family” collar). Although there were great [7:39].This custom can be traced to changes to the Vietnamese family, the Chinese custom. As the Chinese custom customs in a traditional Vietnamese goes, when the person reaches the age of remained the same and it is worth being twenty, the familyholds a party to mark taken into consideration. the person's maturity and the time for that 118 Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ person to enter life. This is, according to 2.1.3.2. Family ways of behaviour (gia Bùi Tấn Niên (1996), no longer practiced pháp) in Vietnam. Family ways of behavior are things Hôn (the wedding ceremony). that all members in a family have to bear Everybody who reaches a certain age will in mind and preserve and things that must have to get married. The size of the not be violated. Family ways of behavior wedding ceremony varies, depending of lay much emphasis on family breeding the financial situation of each family. and education. All opportunities are taken This ceremony is extremely holy and the to educate children and other members of most important event in every the family about how to live well and Vietnamese's lives on the grounds that it usefully. The most important the most marks somebody's maturity and important thing in this kind of education responsibility as well as independence. is teaching children the “hiếu” (duties) ; Tang (the funeral or mourning that is the duties to Father and Mother, anniversary). Death comes to everybody. grandfather and grandmother. All the When a Vietnamese dies, he or she will children are taught to show filial piety be buried carefully by their family towards their parents. Children without members. This is considered very this personality are spoiled children. One significant in the Vietnamese culture thing to be mentioned here is the care for because it shows the good relationship the old people. Children in the family and uprightness among members in the have to understand their grandparents' family and neighbors. There are a lot of feeling and wishes so that they can please things to do when a person dies. After the their grandparents. This is a Vietnamese anniversary of seven days, forty- nine cultural character. This relationship is days, one hundred days, people celebrate also expressed through the way to death anniversary and practice offering communicate in the family with many and worshipping annually which are kinds of addressing people. (not like just' called “Tế”. Vũ Ngọc Khánh [3] put it; you” or “I” in American way) or Vu Lan these days are related to what people (this day is similar to Mother's Day in believe in the symbols of the moon, the Western cultures, in Vietnam; this sky, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, and holiday is celebrated on the fortnight of Mars and to what people explain about the lunar July). The gratitude of the these symbols. children towards their parents and These family rituals are taken for grandparents is that they worship their granted and the Vietnamese people parents and grandparents. All Vietnamese follow these rites to maintain family people are quite aware of this ritual. stability and relationship among There are anniversaries and ancestor- members. worshipping days all family members have to remember. On those days (days 119 Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ which are agreed upon among the Vietnamese people's ancestors to be members of the family), members of the prepared is the altar, which is extremely family gather or show their worshipping significant to the Vietnamese family at their houses. Incense smoke spirals up culture. The altar's size and decoration and a tray of foods is offered on the altar. depend on the family size or finance of Besides the ancestors they have to burn that family. Generally, it has 3 layers: the incense to other supernatural and the The outside is the layer with a members of the family who die young. plank-bed where members of the family This is regarded as the most sacred and can sit or stand to worship. holy part when we talk about Vietnamese The second layer is the incense- family. The ancestor cult is an important table (placed in front of the altar) on obligation which the descending which the prerequisite things such as an generation could never be allowed to incense burner or a joss- stick bowl, three abandon; that is why in the well-to-do or five wax candle lights made of copper, families upward, one often deducts from an oil lamp are put. the inheritance a part of estate which is The third layer is the real place to called “cultural estate” or “anniversary worship. It is a long table. There are land”. This land is entreated upon the ancestral tablets; a throne-shaped head of the extended family or the head receptacle of tablets which is sometimes of the branch of the family; the latter vermillioned and gilded and decorated keeps it in order to care for the ancestor's with dragon symbols. Certainly, there are cult, performed in the cult home of the other kinds of decorations in the altar, for extended family and in that of the family e.g., the parallel sentences (For example, branch. Often there is a book that records “Never cast dust into that fountain of the rank, name, first name also the date of which you have sometimes drunk”) to birth and decease of the ancestors; the teach children about the love and book is called the family register. In the gratitude towards their ancestors, or a wealthy and honorable families, the curtain. register records often the work and deed 3. The American family of the ancestors; it amounts to the same 3.1. American family definition thing as a history of the extended family. The American Home Economics This kind of writing the family register is Association has defined the family as not unique in Vietnam. This recording “two or more persons who share book can be kept twenty or thirty, even resources, share responsibility for one hundred generations. The ways to decisions, share values and goals, and choose “lucky” names to give children have commitments to one another over a and good life lessons are also presented period of time.” We also have to consider in this kind of anal. One necessary thing the United States Bureau of the Census's in kowtowing to the memory of the definition of a household (all the people 120 Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ living in a house”. These definitions children under the age of 18. If you say allows for many different forms of an the word “family” to Americans, this is American family. probably the picture that comes to our 3.2. Family structures minds. Yet, in reality, in the 1990s, only If Americans are asked to name the 8 percent of American households consist members of their families, family of a working father, a stay-at-home structure becomes clear. Married mother, and two children under 18. An American adults will name their husband additional 18 percent of households or wife and their children, if they have consists of two parents who are both at any, as their “immediate family”. If they work and one or more children under 18 mention their father, mother, sisters, or living at home. That means that a total of brothers, they will define them as only 26 percent of households in the separate units, usually living in separate United States consists of two parents and households. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and their children. The remaining households grandparents are considered “extended consist of the following: 30 percent are family”. The structure of the American married couples without children; 8 family has undergone enormous changes percent are single parents and their since 1950s. Traditionally, the American children; 11 percent are unmarried family has been a nuclear family, couples and others living together. And, consisting of a husband, wife, and their perhaps most startling, in 25 percent of children, living in a house or an the households, there is someone living apartment. Grandparents rarely live under alone. [3:1] the same roof with their married sons; 3.3. Family changes: the reasons and and daughters, and uncles and aunts the results almost never do. There are great changes to the In the 1950s, 70 percent of American family structures, for which the American households were the “classic” reasons dealt with can be the following: American family- a husband, wife, and One reason for which families have two children [3:1]. Claude S. Fischer and changed is due to the continuous increase Michael Hout in “Century of Difference” in the number of divorces among write it, “Americans lived predominantly Americans. The United States has the in two-parent nuclear families throughout highest divorce rate in the world. The the 20th century. They did so especially increased divorce rate is the result of in the 1950s”. The father was the several changes in the United States. “breadwinner” (the one who earned the Women have experienced all increase in money to support the family), the mother financial and social independence; the as a “homemaker” (the one who took deindustrialization of the United States care of the children and did not work has made the unemployment of women outside the home), and they have two necessary and the public, legal, and 121 Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ religious attitudes toward divorce have working outside the home a necessity toward greater acceptance. rather than a choice. Chart 1 CATCHING UP These changes lead to more Divorce per 100 marriages 25 years ago different family structures (blended and at last report: families, adoptive families, foster 1970 latest families, interracial families, married UNITED STATES 42.3 54.8 couples without children, homosexual SWEDEN 23.4 44.1 families ...). The most common types of DENMARK 25.1 44.0 families in America include single- ENGLAND, WALES 16.2 41.7 parent, childless, and, finally, two-worker CANADA 18.6 38.3 families. [3:23] FRANCE 12.0 31.5 In short, the increase in the HUNGARY 25.0 31.0 proportions of single, unmarried couples, NEVERTHELANDS 11.0 28.1 and single-parent households has forced a GREECE 5.0 12.0 change in the traditional perception of the ITALY 5.0 8.0 nuclear family. The family is still one of USN&WR Basic Data- The the most idealized institutions in Population Council, June 1995 America, and the changes that have Another reason that the traditional occurred, especially during the second idea of the family has changed to half of this century, are under constant consider is due to the trend toward scrutiny because of the disruption that independent living for both the younger some of these changes have seemed to and older generations. More and more cause. However, it does seem that adults are remaining single, living Americans are moving away from together without getting married, waiting emphasizing one specific type of family longer to get married, delaying having and have begun to accept many different children, or not having children at all. types. This attitude toward marriage and the fact 3.4. Family customs that more women are seeking further 3.4.1. The emphasis on Individual education and career opportunities has Freedom resulted in more couples than ever before Americans view the family as a deciding not to have children at all. group whose primary purpose is to One last reason for the change away advance the happiness of individual from the traditional family is the members. The result is that the needs of economic situation of families and the each individual take priority in the life of whole country. Although some women the family. In contrast to that of many have chosen to work, the continual, other cultures, the primary responsibility increase in the cost of living and the rise of the American family member is not to in costs of higher education have made advance the family as a group, either 122 Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ socially or economically, nor is it to bring much of the father's status as ruler of the honor to the family name. This is partly family and lessens the emotional distance because the Unites States is not an between father and children [3:5]. Since aristocratic society. Americans the 1960s, there has been a significant traditionally have held independence and decline in parental authority and a closely related value, individualism, in children's respect for their parents. This is high esteem. Parents try to instill these particularly true for teenagers. Some prevailing values in their children. parents seem to have little control or no American English expresses these values control over the behavior of their teenage preferences: children should “cut the children. umbilical cord', and are encouraged not 3.4.3. Family values to be “tied to their mothers' apron In Values and Public Policy, Daniel strings”. In the process of their Yankelovich reports on surveys done on socialization children learn to “stand on family values. There are 11 points that a their own two feet”. Receiving a weekly majority of Americans agree are “family allowance at an early age teaches values”. Yankelovich classifies six of children to budget their money, preparing them as “clearly traditional”: respecting them for future financial independence. one's parents, being responsible for one's Children can “leave the nest” at an early actions; having faith in God, respecting age and live an independent life. This authority, married to the same person for independence from parents is not an life, leaving the world in better shape. indication that parents and children do The other five are “a blend of traditional not love each other. Strong love between and newer, more expressive values.”: parents and children is universal and giving emotional support to other there is no exception in the American members of the family, respecting people family. Co-existing with such love in the for themselves, developing greater skill American family are cultural values of in communicating one's feelings, self-reliance and independence. The respecting one's children, living up to American desire for freedom from one's potential as an individual. outside control clearly extends to the In short, the American attitude family. Americans do not like to have toward the family contains many controls placed on them by other family contradictions. For example, Americans members. will tolerate a good deal of instability in 3.4.2. Equality in the family their families, including divorce in order Along with the American emphasis to protect such values as freedom and on individual freedom, the belief in equality. On the other hand, they are equality has had a strong effect on the strongly attached to the idea of the family family. In the United States, however, the as the best of all lifestyles. Studies show democratic idea of equality destroys consistently that more than 90 percent of 123 Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Americans believe that family life is an America. The American people often important value. move to different parts for work so that 4. Vietnamese family vs. American many children have little contact with family their members in the same family, except 4.1. The family image and ideal at family reunions, (for e.g., at Both the Vietnamese and the Christmas.) American have an ideal image about 4.2. The myth of an undifferentiated families. “The family” evokes a visual family experience impression and a mental picture of adults In America, people use family in and children living together comfortably various ways and for various purposes: to as they go about their lives in mutually find jobs, to build labor union, to wage satisfying, mutually enhancing, and in a community struggles ... they are acting harmonious way. It also evokes warmth not only as family members but also as and physical and psychological women and as men. In Vietnam, the nurturance in a setting apart from the family is a sacred symbol. Whenever a troubled world. They hope that family is Vietnamese goes, he or she will certainly heaven, a place of love and protection, in want to go back home. That is the place which the relationships between of love and protection and security. husbands and wives and between parents 4.3. The family education and and children are especially idealized in independence of the children the family image. However, the nuclear D.Zim, MB and Etizen, DS [14:38] family image of the American family is put it, “In America, religion training is of a family unit consisting, most of the grim and constant. Children are required time, of a married couple and two or to learn the Bible chapter by chapter”. more children, uncles or aunts do They are taught to be independent at the normally not live together. In Vietnam, early age (16 to go out and live on their the traditional family, most of the time, is own), the self-confidence to start their an extended family with 3 or 4 own company, to think of new ways to generations living under the same roof. split atoms. Children are responsible for The relationship between members in the their own lives. Self-discovery is also family, namely parents and children, emphasized in the American family. grandparents and grandsons are somehow There is an increasing decline of parental different from the American family and influence over children's behavior. To that of Vietnam. Vietnamese parents have take an example, courtship and mate a close relationship with their children. selection are not under control of parents. Close contact is always maintained That is their personal choice. Children in between family members. They have the America are given more privacy and sense of community, consensus, and the freedom. The Vietnamese children are generation gap is not as large as in the not as independent as their counterparts 124 Tạp chí KHOA HỌC ĐHSP TPHCM Nguyễn Thị Tú _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ in the USA. Few secrets of the children may demand their undivided attention. are expected to be kept from parents. They may value the freedom that a The Vietnamese children are taught about childless relationship enhances. They the duties in the family, which is may choose this option because of the emphasized in Vietnamese culture: positive financial consequences of (children should love their parents, childlessness. The divorce rate in the children should fear their parents, families in the two cultures is something children should reverence and honor their to consider. As mentioned in part 2 about parents, children should give diligent the divorce rate in the American family heed, to the wholesome instructions and (chart 1), the divorce rate in America is counsels of their parents, children should the highest in the world. If the couple is patiently grow better by the needful not happy, the individuals may choose to chastisements and corrections their get a divorce. Most states have a so- parents give them, etc.) [1:295]. The called “no-fault” divorce. Divorce is now relationship with the elderly in the family so common that it is no longer socially needs to be considered. In America, there unacceptable, and children are so are centers for the elderly to be taken care embarrassed to say that their parents are of. Most often they don't live with their divorced. However, sociologists are still children. In Vietnam, it is the children's studying the long-term psychological duties to look after their parents, consequences of divorce. In Vietnam, including their parents-in-law. If he or there are 30.000 cases of divorces. she doesn't take care of his parents, he or However in Vietnam, the family honor is she will be supposed not to fulfill his or quite important. Vietnamese culture her duties and is considered to do the bad requires people to save face and preserve things. In America: most parents pursue the family happiness. A woman who has demanding careers and work at jobs with divorced her husband or vice versa will long hours, little time and energy spent get some bad rumor. Vietnamese people on their children. The family was blamed appreciate and think highly of “love” for inhibiting human development. (tình) and “ righteousness” (nghĩa) Family life takes a back seat. Voluntary between husbands and wives. They think childlessness and delayed childbearing highly of their loyalty to each other. happen in this country. Their career goals 1, 2, 3 Vũ Ngọc Khánh, “The Vietnamese family culture”, The history of the Vietnamese family, The National Culture Publisher, 1998, pp. 11-13. 125 Tư liệu tham khảo Số 38 năm 2012 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REFERENCES 1. Toan Ánh (2002), An overall view of the Vietnamese culture, The Literature Publisher. 2. Phan Kế Binh (2002), Vietnamese customs, The Cultural publisher. 3. Vũ Ngọc Khánh (1998), The culture in Vietnamese family, The National publisher. 4. Lê Huy Lâm (2000), American studies, The University of Pedagogy, Ho Chi Minh city, the internal materials. 5. Nguyễn Thế Long (1999), Family and Nation, The Labor Publisher. 6. Nguyễn Quang (1997), Something about Vietnamese family, Hanoi Pulisher's. 7. Phạm Côn Sơn (2000), The family customs, The Youth Publisher. 8. Lê Thi (1996), Vietnamese family today, The Human and Social Science Publisher. 9. Claude S., Fischer and Michael Hout (2005), “How Americans lived: Families and Life Courses in Flux, 1900-2000”, Century of Difference. P.1. 10. Ellis C. (1993), “Culture Shock! Vietnam”, Times Book International, Singapore Kuala Lumpur. 11. Levine D.R, Adela M.B (1993), Beyond Language -Cross-Cultural Communication, Prentice Hall, INC. 12. Valves J.M (ed,) (1995), Culture Bound, Cambridge University Press. 13. Wanning, E. (1995), “Culture Shock! USA”, Times Book International, Singapore Kuala Lumpur. 14. Zinn MB, Eitzen D.S (1987), Diversity in American families, Harper and Row Publishers, NY. (Received: 09/4/2012; Revised: 11/5/2012; Accepted: 30/7/2012) 126